SHEFFIELD FRAGMENTS

by
Zack Wilson

FRIENDSHIP

-Shut tha face nob ead, Ah’m thinking.

-Thinkin? Thee? Abaht fuckin wot?

-Tha doesn’t need to knaw.

-Well, what’s tha doing ere den? This is no fun, dahn t’pub wi a fuckin depressive.

-Ah’m not a fuckin depressive! Just got things on me mind.

-What mind?

-Aa fuckin aa.

-Well, that’s it fo me. Ah’m gooin, Ah’m not fuckin sittin ere any longer wi thee.

-Aw, dorn’t be a cunt!

-Ah’m fuckin not!

-Orreight, Orreight. Fancy a peint?

-Aa, goo on then.

© Zack Wilson

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POLITICS

Ah’m fuckin sick on all this shit. It’s on t’telly evry fuckin day at t’minute. All t’fuckin Septics gooin on, whittling abaht t’Twin fuckin Towers. They neva fuckin learn. Ah mean, ma parents ad to move ouse twelve times during t’war cause o’t’fuckin Krauts. Mosta them cunts in them buildings were criminals anyway, robbin workin folk.

Ah fuckin ate Muslims too, mind. Cept Rafeeq, but e as a peint nah and then.

© Zack Wilson

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SEXUAL POLITICS

Winter fuckin Olympics! Why tha fuck is that on t’fuckin telly? Ah mean, speed skating. Ow many speed skaters does tha knaw round ere?

Mind you, look at t’ass on er! Ah do like a fit bird wot looks after ersen.

© Zack Wilson

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SPORT

Orreight? Ow’d Wednesday do? Ow many?! Ere, Stan, t’Pigs got done foar nowt! At Hillsborough! WAAaaay! Sometimes, tha knaws, Ah think Ah fuckin ate them moar than Ah love Uneited.

© Zack Wilson

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WEATHER

Rainin! Fuckin rainin agean. Does mean we can’t do any work on that roof though. Evry cloud…

© Zack Wilson

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OPTIMISN

Well, mate. Avin sin er, and sin thee, Ah dawn’t rate tha chances much.

© Zack Wilson